- Family Day was beautiful, and seeing some of my kids perform talents I had never known they were hiding was an overwhelming gift which brought tears to my eyes.
- BT Social was an absolute blast, and despite an uncomfortable argument with one of my coworkers, everything turned out very nicely.
- Visiting LA was incredible. Michael's house was breathtaking, I got to chill with some of my best friends in the whole world, I celebrated the 4th of July watching fireworks in Malibu and, on the ride home, Billy, Braden and I drove down the awe-inspiring Pacific Coastal Highway.
- Parent/Guardian-Teacher Conferences were an especially great learning experience, particularly compared to how they went in Philly. Last year, I had 1/5 advisees show up. This year, 4/4 attended and were seriously invested in receiving feedback.
- Among my touristy visits recently, I have climbed Coit Tower, walked the labyrinth at Grace Cathedral, explored the ruins of the Sutro Baths, gone to see Matilda the Musical at the gorgeous Orpheum Theater, gotten a personalized drink at a hidden gem bar called "Standing Room Only", explored Muir Woods National Monument and the beautiful coast of Sausalito and tried traditional SF foods like an "It's It" and a "pie shake" at Chile Pies. I also have started trying different drinks off the Starbucks menu to feed my newly-discovered coffee addiction and I ate my first Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (which means I really must be growing up!)
That is the briefest possible recap I can give of the madness of the past couple weeks. So let's start fresh now. Nate, how was your day?
Thanks for asking, Nate! My day was great. My kids for the past two weeks have been working on "Response to Literature" essays to go with their reading for their Literature class from the book A Raisin in the Sun. Today, to make the proofreading process more exciting, Matt and I devised an activity around The Hunger Games, in which kids had to select a highlighter as a "weapon" and proofread a partner's essay through a certain lens. We made this ridiculous video to introduce the activity to the kids, pretending to be Stanley Tucci and Elizabeth Banks:
After viewing that video, something odd happened. One of my advisees, and in fact the student with whom I would argue I am closest, blurted out, "You're a gay donkey!"at me. I was caught totally off-guard, particularly since I had not come out to any of my students, so all I did was give him a serious "teacher look" and tell him we would talk after class. He instantly showed remorse as though he knew what he had done was wrong. I waited to talk to him until later on in the day during advisory...
In advisory today, we had an interesting activity for the first half. We have a "buddy advisory" of students who are two years younger than mine who sometimes visit our room to do some activities with us. This past Monday, we combined to put on a skit for the whole school at the end of the day which was really fun and made me very proud of my kids, typically quiet and uncomfortable in front of crowds, who braved their fears and acted their little hearts out. Today, we met with our buddies again to do a panel in which the younger advisees (our buddies) could ask my advisees any questions they had about what life is like in middle school. My advisees had expressed a lot of disinterest and lack of maturity when we prepared for this event a few days prior, so I was really concerned it was not going to go well. I even bought snacks as an incentive to bribe them to be upstanding role models for their buddies. Much to my surprise, even without the incentive, my kiddos took a lot of pride in their leadership role as buddies and answered the 6th graders' questions with a maturity of thought which I had never seen in them before. At one point, they looked at me like I was crazy because I could not stop smiling. I could not help it; seeing them in this context was the first time I had ever seen them seriously step up, act professionally and think very intentionally before they spoke in order to best serve other, younger kids.
After our buddies left, I was super happy and I surprised the kids with the snacks I had bought. I then remembered I had told Eddy I was going to follow up with him. I decided in the moment that it was a worthwhile lesson for all of my kids to learn, so I made him share with the whole group what he had said in class. I led a short discussion about why using "gay" in a derogatory way is not only wrong but makes no sense. I then mentioned that insulting people's sexuality is particularly dangerous because you never know who it could affect, and that there were members of our school's community who could have been seriously hurt by Eddy's comment. My kids clearly were intrigued by this and they started prodding me to try and find out to whom I was referring. I quickly backtracked and said it was not my place to share for anyone else, but that if they had questions for individual people, they could approach them politely and ask. One of my advisees then asked me directly if I was gay.
I had talked to my administrators about this just a few days beforehand when I witnessed another instance of homophobia among the students, and they were very supportive in encouraging me to share about myself if and only if I was comfortable with it. Given the liberal nature of our community at the school as well as in SF in general, as well as the strong bonds I have made over these five weeks with my advisees, in that moment I decided it would be worthwhile to come out to the four of them. The reactions were mixed, but all ultimately positive and in a funny way they were very indicative of my individual advisees' personalities. I've decided to share this in script form to fully capture how the conversation went.
Karla: Are YOU gay?
Me: Yes.
*a beat*
Karla: For real?
Me: Yes.
Eddy: Wait, you're gay?
Me: I am.
Eddy: When did you become gay?
Me: I've always been gay.
Eddy: But you had a girlfriend...
Me: Only because I did not think it was okay for me to be gay when I was your age.
Karla: You're not joking right now, are you?
Me: No, I'm for real.
Eddy: So when did you... What's the word? Clarify? When did you clarify that you were gay to your family?
Me: When I was in tenth grade, although that was still younger than most people do it.
Eric: Can I share something?
My internal monologue: Oh no, what have I done? Is sweet, quiet, little late-bloomer Eric about to come out?
Me: Sure, Eric. As long as you're comfortable.
Eric: On the first day of middle school, I walked into the cafeteria and didn't know anyone so I sat down at a table with some kids and it turned out all four of us were named Eric.
*a beat*
Me: That's... great, Eric. Thanks for sharing.
Janice: My hands are sticky. Can I go wash them?
Me: Sure, Janice.
FIN.
As you probably noticed, each of my advisees has a very distinct personality and they have never been more evident than they were in that conversation. Eddy was super well-meaning and wanted to have a serious conversation but did not know the right way to speak about this sensitive issue and still had a goofy side shining through. Karla seemed both genuinely surprised and honored that I chose to share this with them. Eric was very well-intentioned and wanted to contribute but was on an entirely different wavelength from the rest of us. Janice was completely unfazed and was more focused on her ice cream. Individually, they are all so different, but together, they've helped me to build a strong little family in our advisory, and with only eight days left with the kiddos, I am more conscious than ever of enjoying every moment with them. I think this discussion today helped them all grow as people and invest more heavily in me. I asked them not to share with the rest of the students, but I am not 100% confident that they will follow through on that one, especially Karla who seemed very eager to tell her friends.
Most crucially, this is the first time in a while that I have had to come out to anyone and I felt the very same emotions of nervousness, desire for acceptance and an ounce of self-loathing having to tell it to my students. At the same time, the fact that I felt this both helped me realized how much more comfortable I have become with my sexual identity in recent years AND how deeply I care about my students, because I was genuinely concerned with how they would react to me once I told them. Coming out is probably the hardest obstacle I've ever had to overcome personally, but it's rare nowadays for me to have to jump it again. It's a nice reminder of the struggles I have made it through to succeed in life, as well as the struggles which many other kids in the world (likely including at least a few of the students I work with) are still facing. I pray for a day in the future when kids do not have to struggle to find the words to discuss these issues, a world in which it is no longer a shock to hear that someone has a certain identity...
...even if that identity is just sharing the same name as you. ;-)
Until next time,
Nate
