Day 22/23: What's My "Why"? and Getting Over the Hump

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

-5/1 "I did this on purpose."
-video from Logan
-care package
-rigor in class
-grading essays
-Aunt Claire's Mom

Wednesday:
-kidnapping in acting and improv
-dinner with wiggers (maggio, d'escragnolle, pow-anpongkul, harry, noah, billy, braden, nico)
-letter from mom and John
-spirit week fashion show
-kids will remember how more than what

Day 21: I Can Go the Distance

My good friend and fellow teacher, Trisha, led faculty meeting today and played the titular song of this post to inspire us to "go the distance" for our students. It has since been stuck in my head all day and I have a desperate desire to watch a ton of Disney movies.

Poem on the door of my advisory room. Made me smile!

I have the chance to get an extra hour of sleep tonight by going to bed now, so I am going to do a few quick bullet points from today. Bear with me.

• My day started happily as a fellow teacher, Alphonse, surprised us all with donuts to congratulate us on the start of our second week. This was quickly followed up by a surprise gift of Double Stuf Oreos from my Secret Buddy. Between these, my personal stash and the Mint Oreos I got from Megan on Friday, I'm Oreo'd out now!
• My classes went extraordinarily well today. The kids even in my harder class seemed to really respond to the warm demander presence I channeled. I've also started sneaking pictures of the kids from when they were in 5th grade into the slideshows, which they equally love and hate. We tackled the issue of conflict today, relating it to the Confederate Flag debates and Caitlyn Jenner's transition, and the kids handled the topics maturely and with eagerness to learn and share their thoughts.

A Photoshopped magazine cover from tomorrow's slideshow featuring my kids as 5th graders! (And me looking gross)

• I had three students say my class is their favorite. One of them, Michelle, asked if she could skip all her other classes and just stay in mine all day. It was a nice confidence booster.
• Billy, Braden and I made impromptu plans to visit Michael, Alexa and Jordan in LA this weekend for the 4th of July. I was going to stay here originally, but a lot of my coworkers are going home for the weekend, and going along with my promise to myself never to turn down an adventure, I couldn't pass it up. I'm a little worried about getting all my work done to prepare for this, but I'm equally excited for a spontaneous road trip!

My advisee Eric does this before our advisory period every day. He hangs himself from his backpack on a hook outside our room.

• My advisory period today was super fun, though I worry a little that I have not set a rigid enough structure for that time each day. That said, after a long day of classes, it's nice for my kids to be able to kick back, do a little homework, listen to some music, doodle, make origami and generally decompress. Plus, they're all good kids and even when they get rowdy, they never do anything deliberately bad. In addition, I got an anonymous shoutout from one of my advisees (I think it was Janice) thanking me for being a hilarious advisor. I also was complemented by Matt who said he wants to channel my fun energy into his advisory as well. It was really touching to find out my peers are looking up to me as well.
• After school, the teachers stayed late for a Back-to-School Bash in which our students' parents got to meet us, learn about our curriculums, see the school building and ask us any questions or present concerns for their kids. I was exhausted leading into it, but it was actually an amazing event and a very insightful way to learn which of my students tend to struggle in writing, and in what capacities. I feel moving forward like I now have a clearer vision of the sort of differentiated instruction I need to give to many of my students to best serve them individually.
• After this, I came home, ate some Oreos, worked on my slides for tomorrow, and here I am heading off to bed.

Sorry today's post was so boring. If it's any consolation, I had a really great day! I'm just pretty sunburned from Pride and it's left me feeling drained, so a little extra sleep tonight will do me some good. As I doze off this evening, I reflect on the same inspiring words with which I started my day. Through every day here in California, the good and bad ones, and in life in general for that matter, I can and will power through. "I won't accept defeat. It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope 'til I go the distance and my journey is complete."

Every smile will be worth my while...

Until next time,

Nate

Days 19/20: Pride and Prejudice

"With all the changes you've been through, it seems the stranger's always you, alone again in some new wicked little town." -Hedwig and the Angry Inch

This weekend has been a transformative experience for me to say the least. I knew I would be celebrating Pride when I came to SF, but I had no idea it would be on such a historic weekend, and I certainly didn't expect to be spending it with some of my best friends in the world.

In preparation for Pride on Saturday morning, I watched a YouTube documentary about Harvey Milk and his work in this city as the first openly gay individual elected to public office in California. I remember seeing the movie Milk when I was still in the process of coming out and coming to terms with my own sexuality; for whatever reason, it did not stick with me as strongly as it should have, and I found myself floored as I revisited the story of this incredible man.

My friends Jordan and Alexa, both of whom are working for production companies in LA, decided to celebrate this momentous occasion by spontaneously road-tripping to SF for our Pride festivities and to spend time with Braden and I as well as our friend Michael who graduated early this past December and Nico, a rising sophomore in Wig. Billy had to leave for the weekend to fly home to NY for his brother Bobby's graduation from high school (congrats, by the way!), so he left his apartment key with me so Jordan and Alexa could have a place to crash. Braden and I decided on a whim that we would sleep over there as well so we could all celebrate together.

After meeting up at the Wharf, we got lunch at Chipotle and ate on the steps by the waterfront outside Ghiradelli Square. The weather was the most beautiful it has been since I have been here, as if nature was giving us the perfect environment in which to celebrate. After lunch, we ran back to my dorm to grab Billy's key and so I could get a change of clothes and a box of snicker-doodles my grandma had baked for me and mailed here. (They were amazing!!!) We then drove toward Billy's place, but got stuck in a ridiculous traffic jam of people trying to get into the city for Pride festivities. We passed the time by playing "Never Have I Ever" and people-watching as tons of tourists passed our car decked out in head-to-toe rainbows like a leprechaun's wet dream.

After parking in a nearby lot (where an attendant conspicuously warned us that cars get broken into there frequently, much to Jordan's chagrin) and saying goodbye to Nico, we dropped our stuff in Billy's room. He has a bunch of paraphernalia that he got during Google orientation, so we took some selfies with it and sent them to him to make him jealous and potentially anxious. I can totally picture Billy sitting in the auditorium of his brother's school with his head in his hands, just muttering "What have I done?" under his breath as "Pomp and Circumstance" chimes in over the loudspeakers.

We were not hungry for dinner since we had just gorged ourselves on Chipotle and cinnamon-sugar cookies, so we instead went to buy some goodies for the night. We went to a local convenience store next to the Sunnyside Hotel (which made us laugh as, on top of its sign, it appeared that someone had thrown their weave). We then spent a few hours chilling in the Clarke Complex, having good conversation and cracking open some white wine. (We are all of age, and none of us are co-workers, so this is fine.) The funny part about the wine was that Billy's cabinets contained exactly four glasses, all intended for wine; two were normal size, and the other two... well, I guess the best word to describe them would be goblets. Braden and I volunteered to take the larger glasses as we are taller and so they would not be as awkward for us to hold.

As the sun began to set, we discussed our plans for the evening. Jordan really wanted to visit the Castro district, and everyone was game for it, so after finishing off our bottles, we walked over along with a substantial crowd of queers flocking to the city's metaphorical Mecca of the gay rights movement to partake in the celebrations of this amazing moment in history. We saw a lot of crazy things there, including MANY naked people, crazy costumes, and sidewalks that put the "litter" in "glitter". We saw a crowd of people leaving the Castro where Larry Kramer (author of The Normal Heart) was speaking, and we passed by Harvey Milk's camera shop (now an HRC building). We were not looking to get too crazy, so we picked a casual-looking wine bar and settled down. We had some serious discussions about whether or not we thought we would move to California when we graduated; I found myself surprised to say, as some had predicted I would before I left, that I could totally see myself living here, at least in the short-term.

Around midnight, the police started to clear people out of the streets and the bars began to close. Not wanting our night to end so abruptly, Braden, Alexa, Jordan and I walked over to Dolores Park where the trashy remnants of the day's festivities remained. We spent a moment enjoying the view, then walked back to Billy's where we crashed pretty quickly. (Funny story: we ordered Domino's, having not eaten dinner, and then fell asleep only to be awoken by a phone call from the delivery guy two hours later. In fairness to us, two hours is WAY too long to wait for a pizza delivery. They'll be hearing from my lawyers, don't worry. ;-P)

We woke up this morning around 10 AM. Braden had already left because he was marching with the Gap (where he is interning) float. Luckily, the Pride Parade route went right past Billy's building, so after waking up and being met by Michael, we walked down to the street. The Parade was indescribably overwhelming for lack of a better word. For context, the very first portion was a series of half-naked lesbians riding motorcycles who referred to themselves as "Dykes on Bikes". From there, things got even crazier as one major group after another brought their employees and cool floats out to celebrate this event. The streets were flooded with LITERALLY millions of people (Jordan said the news gave 3 million attendees as an estimated figure), most of whom were wearing either a complete rainbow outfit or something otherwise totally fierce with glitter, feathers, leather and a lot of body paint. In fact, some people were just wearing nothing at all.

I was blown away by many of the groups I saw in the parade. The PFLAG float in particular struck a chord with me; it was filled with parents, uncles, siblings, friends and other relatives of LGBTQ+ individuals showing their unconditional love for their families, the kind of love that I am so blessed to have from my family. As I stood there watching floats from the SF Police and Fire Departments, cheerleading squads, major companies like Apple (who had thousands of employees and their families walking with rainbow flags), and more, I reflected on this event. As I applauded people marching in outlandish costumes who anywhere else in the world would be considered bonkers, I realized that none of our individual identities mattered. Yes, of course, we were celebrating equality, but I did not think about to whom the people marching were attracted or with what gender they identified, if any. We in that moment were all just purely human, stripping off our skin together to expose our barest souls, showing each other the love that we have so long sought for ourselves but struggled to find. We were a collection of people of every age (newborn through elderly), creed (atheist through hardcore evangelist), race, ethnicity, class (I see you, Nancy Pelosi) and more, united in our belief that love is not between any two specific types of people. Love is like a poorly-manufactured puzzle; its pieces that fit differently every time, but they show the same beautiful picture.

Pictures (to be sorted):

How breathtaking is this city?

Quaker Sighting!

Lunch on the beach! Nico, Alexa, Jordan, myself and Braden <3

I got scared by the famous SF Bushman on the way to lunch.

Our evening in the Castro

The Historic Castro Theater

Apple employees marching... There were literally thousands of them.

The coolest balloon costumes I have ever seen

Nancy Pelosi

An Irish Bagpipe Ensemble wearing rainbow costumes

Alexa and Michael jumping in on an impromptu dance contest on the street

SF City Hall (where Milk and George Moscone were killed)

My first ever gay wedding!

The happy couple <3

Dolores Park during the day (AKA a "Where's Waldo?" of drug paraphernalia)
 

Jordan leading us to dinner at a Pakistani restaurant

--POST UNDER CONSTRUCTION--
Still to write:
trying to find BT friends, Burger King
stumbling upon gay wedding
catcalls and "I hope you find your prince charming"
back to Dolores Park
Indian food for dinner
lesson planning

Day 18: It is So Ordered.

In lieu of a blog post for today, I am merely going to paste the text of the Facebook status I wrote in honor of the momentous Supreme Court decision today. I think it says most of what I would want to say.

"I always had a feeling this day would come, but now that it's here I am feeling a vast array of emotions (you might even say a spectrum). On the one hand, I have been extremely touched by the vast outpouring of support on this controversial decision and more relieved than I expected I would be. I am also thrilled to be in San Francisco during this time as it is a hub of the queer rights movement and liberal ideologies. On the other hand, I recognize that this only solves a small issue in the scheme of civil rights for LGBTQ+ individuals, let alone all citizens. Nonetheless, I choose to view this as a stepping stone though on the path to a brighter tomorrow where equality is a reality rather than a construct. I honestly don't believe that I will see FULL equality and understanding in my lifetime (and certainly not as long as we continue trying to label individual gender identities and sexual orientations), but today has invigorated me to continue fighting for humanity, striving to understand, and speaking up rather than speaking for. Given this, I feel it is unquestionably a cause for celebration because to be frank, in our current sociopolitical climate, we need to appreciate the little victories when we get them. As an ally once said, "a piece of paper isn't going to solve it all, but it's a damn good place to start."

Now, if only I had a boyfriend..."

Until next time,

Nate

Day 17: Exhaustion Sets In

Today was the first day where the fatigue of all my hard work and lack of sleep really took a toll on me, so this blog post will be shorter than the past few. I felt sluggish all day and it impeded my reaction time, classroom management skills and ability to contribute to the teaching staff actively. I began to see how I need to change my living habits in order to make it in this profession, or as an adult in general for that matter.

Tremendous fun in Acting Class

I had a fairly average day. My first class this morning went pretty poorly and I felt pretty crummy going into my interim planning period. My second class went much better, probably in large part due to Megan's brilliant idea to change the seating arrangement to free up space in the room. Pictures to come tomorrow. We worked on summarizing essays today and I played a little improv game with the kids called "Half-Life" in which they had to act out a scene in increasingly shorter time increments while including the same plot points. They seemed to enjoy it, but one girl got too excited and tripped and fell on her hand. I became very concerned, so I had Megan get her an icepack for me. She handled it like a champ, but I am worried going into tomorrow that she may have some residual feelings of bitterness toward my class because of it, particularly because the student in question has been one of my most difficult so far.

Look at those smiles! (That's Lauren on the right.)

During our elective class today, we had a surprise fire drill. It was the first time I was responsible for leading a group of students through an emergency procedure, practice or otherwise. I felt confident and was able to snap quickly into action. My kiddos also were very responsible and well-behaved. The drill went very well, and afterward we played some really fun improv games (side note: remind me to tell the story later about one of my students getting so invested in his improv game that he said in no uncertain terms "Hail Satan"... I wish I were kidding, though it was actually quite funny in the moment). My kids became fully convinced that they will be able to set Lauren and I up as boyfriend and girlfriend by the end of the summer (little do they know) by suggesting we do an improv scene with me as a knight and her as a princess. At first it was funny, but it became annoying and started to make both Lauren and I feel uncomfortable, so we shut it down rather creatively by twisting the scene so that she was an ugly princess and I was repulsed by her. We made our plans for next week's elective classes too and I'm very excited about them.

Advisory today was not very notable, except for the fact that my advisees drew pictures of each other on the classroom whiteboard when they finished their homework. See the beautiful portrait below:

L to R: Eddy, Karla, Janice, Eric, Cheese (high school intern) and me

After work, my boss Katy called Matt and I in to discuss a lesson plan we had prepared for Monday incorporating social justice into our curriculum on conflict development and resolution in narrative writing. She vetoed it but handled the situation very professionally and actively expressed how impressed she was with our thought processes and willingness to dive headfirst into challenging material. Later in the summer, when we start writing literary analysis essays, she is going to help us revisit the subject matter so we can prepare it properly and ensure the classroom is a safe space for students to explore these topics if they want to without being forced.

Even after 3 years, The Book of Mormon is ridiculously impossible to get tickets to, but I vow it will happen one day. The tour is returning to Philly this fall and, come hell or high water, I will be going.

Immediately after this meeting, I skedaddled downtown to meet Braden and Billy. We rushed The Book of Mormon but were shocked to find there were upwards of 60 people doing the same thing, so we decided to go to a movie instead. We saw the new Pixar movie, Inside Out. Confession: I was so tired that for parts of the movie I struggled to stay awake, but I really enjoyed the parts I saw. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's one of Pixar's best, but it's certainly an improvement on their past few movies and I wept a little at the end, particularly as I reflected on my house in Berwyn which is being sold this week. That house has been a haven for me since quite literally the day I was born, and while I recognize it is time to move on, there will always be a part of me that holds 808 in a special place in my heart. The movie perfectly presented the necessary mix of Joy and Sadness which go into moments like this one, and its immediate relevance to my family and I had a big impact on me.

Still a fun night with friends!

After the movie, we got burgers in the Food Court and talked for a little while about our jobs and Mask and Wig next year. Billy's going home for the weekend for his brother Bobby's high school graduation, but Braden and I are trying to make plans for Pride on Sunday. We both already have groups from work that want to go but we're going to try to meet up once we're there.

This post doesn't have one of my typical sweet, tidy conclusions because my brain can't seem to piece anything together for one. All I'll say is that today really taught me how important sleep is as a teacher, and with that said, it is time for bed.

Until next time,

Nate

Day 16: Homework: Stay Alive.

I seem to be getting home later and later every day. Tonight, I was out with Matt and Cristi shopping for our secret buddies, children and selves at Target until about 10:30 PM, and Matt and I still had to finish our lesson plans when we got back. It was still worth every second though.

The astounding view from the roof this morning when I was at 7/8 grade recess. Such a gorgeous day.

The vignette bulleted-list style of yesterday's post worked well for me, so I'm going to continue on that route today.
-This morning, at morning meeting, we had a "riff-off" a la Pitch Perfect. Apparently some people didn't realize I actually can sing, judging based on the "oohs" and "ahhs" I heard when I stepped into the ring. ;-P Another teacher has planned a barbecue for the staff in the middle of July and we will be hosting a talent show that evening as well, so maybe I'll get to flex my skills again!

-I need to take a minute to just say that I cannot begin to express how lucky I am to have been assigned Megan as my I.C. She is wonderful in so many ways, abstract and concrete. Her advice about 1-on-1s has made me feel more confident as a teacher these past two days than I have in 1.5 years of working as a teaching fellow. She also stepped up and told our Program Director that my classroom arrangement was completely unsatisfactory, so before next week, I will have individual desks in my room rather than those horrid tables! This morning, she called an impromptu department meeting in between classes to announce that she officially accepted the Assistant Principal position at the wealthier public school she was interviewing at, and none of the four of us could have been more happy for her. She explained that ultimately she feels the best path for her is to start in a wealthier school to build her administrative skills and then transfer them into an underprivileged setting once she feels she is fully prepared. This makes a lot of sense to me and has made me feel better about the self-conscious privilege-checking I have been doing as I consider the possibility of starting my career out in a school that is not necessarily high-need.

Matt, Olivia, Lauren J. and Charlie performing the "Cup Song" from Pitch Perfect at All-School Meeting

-While I was not paying attention during a planning period today, I was jamming out silently to some music on my iPod and Francisco secretly filmed my embarrassing dorky moves and put the video on the teachers' Facebook page. I was honored though, and besides, just yesterday I was told I have "sweet moves" by a fifth grader, so no one else's opinion really matters.

-One of the tactics I have been trying to improve upon is the "warm demander" teaching method, which we lovingly refer to as "firmth" (firm + warmth). I think I used it more effectively than ever before this morning as a few of my students (including one of my advisees!) decided to test my limits by blatantly disobeying our classroom entrance procedure. I put my foot down with strength and confidence which I have never felt in myself before, expressed disappointment without brute anger and then quickly transitioned into a more positive tone to begin class, and the kids responded very well to it. I can feel myself growing every day.

My man Eric, having finished all of his homework early, folding origami using notecards

-In Acting elective today, I led an exercise in which we learned about how to use voices to portray characters and emotions. We listened to audio clips of people speaking and singing and then had to guess what they looked like. We then compared our guesses to what they really looked like. Among the clips I used were Susan Boyle, the homeless radio announcer guy and a short Caucasian Morgan Freeman impression artist. The idea was to show the kids that sometimes there can be a mismatch between looks and sounds, but even if our physicality cannot match a character, if we can use our voices properly, we can still portray them effectively. The kids seemed to really enjoy the activity, and I felt really good about having taught a younger age group for the first time! (Kudos to Lauren for letting me take the lead on this one!)

-After work, Matt and I stuck around and worked on next week's lesson plans until the school closed at 9 PM. We were not alone, and in the process, as the hours ticked by we found ourselves procrastinating more and more. Two of the teachers and I got in a debate over who was the cutest member of One Direction (Niall, duh) and proceeded to rope anyone who would listen into the conversation. We left the building right before the doors locked, in which case we would have been trapped for the evening (thank the Lord we made it out in time!) I walked with Matt and Cristi to Target, belting Taylor Swift songs along the way. Cristi needed to buy snacks for her kids, and we just needed a break. This was a fun trip and a nice way to clear our heads before coming home and plowing through the rest of the work. As Matt and I were approaching our dorm, we saw a $20 bill flying across the street, so we chased it and picked it up. We have not decided what to use it for, but we've agreed it will be some sort of partner-teacher treat to split.

-Shortly after that, when I came in the dorm, I found that there was a package waiting for me at the front desk from Nana and Pop-Pop! It was HUGE, but every single thing in it made me smile profusely. Firstly, Nana included detergent packets and disposable bowls and cups, all of which I had strongly considered buying at Target but opted against (as though I could sense I would not need them!) Secondly, the box included tons of snacks which I have been craving in my long work nights in my dorm. Thirdly, both Nana and Pop-Pop wrote me letters, and Pop-Pop's actually made me tear up a little at the end (though it was probably also fueled by exhaustion, but it truly did mean a great deal to me. Nana and Pop-Pop, if you are reading this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Because of your generosity, I ended my day with a big smile!)

One of my advisees changed up the homework in our advisory room. I think it's still important to complete.

-The absolute highlight of my day though was my advisory period. Karla was absent today, but my other three kiddos and I had some nice conversations and really started to bond. I credit Eddy with a lot of it; much as he is the most vocal personality among my advisees, he is really stepping up as a leader in our little Crew G family to get Eric and Janice, who are much quieter, to talk and goof around a little (which is acceptable, given the relaxed nature of advisory periods and study hall). He made some fart jokes, which Eric fed off of, and then they both roped Janice into the conversation against her will, although she ended up laughing and enjoying it too.

Shortly after this photo was taken, this was accompanied by drawings.  I did not bother to photograph them. You are welcome.

Sure, these kids still have a lot of room to grow and I need to do a better job at recognizing their needs and addressing them, but at the end of the day, if they want to be the fart-joke crew and it makes them happy...

What I do it for... <3

...well, you know, I'm more than okay with that.

Until next time,
Nate

Day 15: Happy and "Full of Children"

The best way to describe my day today is through a series of vignettes, most of which were overwhelmingly positive. Here goes...

• At our morning faculty meeting, my friend Sam led us in a group activity in which we sat on the gym floor and closed our eyes. She invited a few people to stand up and walk around the group. As they did, she called out prompts to them and they were invited to tap on the shoulder any teachers to whom they felt the statement applied. As someone who is self-admittedly self-conscious and constantly seeking approval, this exercise was one of the most touching experiences of my professional life (no pun intended). I was tapped many times for a variety of beautiful things. In fact, for some of them, I was tapped by four or more people, which meant they went out of their way to find me in the circle and tap me. Among those were "Which teacher(s) light(s) up the room with their presence?" and "Which teacher(s) is/are going to make the biggest impact on the lives of their students?" I suppose it is possible that everyone was tapped for every question, but given how many taps I received for those particular prompts, they really stuck out to me.
• One of my advisees who was sick yesterday came in today. He was quiet and a little bit of a smart-aleck, but he was still very sweet.
• My first class of the day (which was the latter class yesterday, since we flip schedules on T/Th) was much more well-behaved and receptive than before. I was observed and filmed for the first half of the period and it went about as well as I could have asked for, which was great because it meant my feedback was directed specifically at my teaching itself rather than my disciplinary abilities, which I already recognize to be one of my areas of weakness and am working on improving.
• My second class was decidedly less well-behaved, but still engaged with the material.
• At lunch, an adorable little 5th grade student told me that my moves as I danced to the music while the kids were arriving this morning were "sweet".
• At recess, some of my new 5th grade pals and I decided to build a giant Rube Goldberg-style track contraption of sorts, using a dodgeball in place of a marble. It was a blast.

• After I built this, I went over to the playground where some slightly older children peer pressured me into trying out a contraption which I am now referring to solely as the spinning wheel of death. As someone who typically likes the Tilt-O-Whirl, I can say this was the most intensely dizzying experience I have had in a long time.
• Right before recess ended, another adorable 5th grader asked me what my name was and asked me if I felt happy. I said of course I felt happy, to which she replied, "Good, today is a happy day because you're full of children." As poorly as that was phrased, she wasn't wrong.
• In my elective class, our students watched the famous Monty Python "Ministry of Silly Walks" video and then made their own silly walks, which was so much fun to watch.
• Lauren and I modelled for our elective class what improv games should look like, and in the process, she attempted for the first time to mimic an American accent. I have not laughed so hard in a loooong time.
• When we finally turned the improv games over to the students, I was BLOWN AWAY by their quick wit and sharp jokes. Despite being just 10-11 years old, they show a lot of potential as comedians. Perhaps there are some future Mask and Wig/Bloomers troupe members among them? ;-)
• My advisory period was much better than yesterday. Some of my kids finished all of their homework, and then we spent the last ten minutes playing Hangman together. Eric stumped the lot of us by using the word "quartz", which I thought was brilliant given that no one would ever guess 'q' or 'z'!
• I wrote and starred in our ASM skit today along with Lauren and our friend Lee. It was the riveting tale of a Breakthrough student who didn't want to do his homework (me) and his two friends (them) who help show him the value of homework and coach him through it together. In the end he shows gratitude for the experiences he gets at Breakthrough (our word of the day!)
• After school, we had a contest to see which teachers could fit a whole half-peach from a can into their mouth in one bite. I am proud to say I was one of the victors, and the peach was delicious.
• After spending several hours lesson planning and prepping for tomorrow, I took an impromptu trip with Tyschell, Sam and Cristi to get pizza and milkshakes at a local restaurant, which was a terrific end to a much happier day. We laughed a lot, talked about our students and our incredible coworkers, and had a blast. Cristi ordered an avocado milkshake, which was wrong on many levels; in the first place, ew. In the second, as we learned after the fact, she is allergic to avocado and started to lose feeling in her lips and drooled all over. Sam then proceeded to almost choke on her bubble tea smoothie from laughing so hard. A strange man came in and announced it was his birthday, to which we, without missing a beat, broke out into the Breakthrough-specific birthday song. At the end, having been very impressed by our showing, the pizzeria owner gave us each free bottles of water.
• After parting ways, I walked with Tyschell to the local Safeway so she could buy brownie mix for her kids in her elective. We had a nice talk about our love lives and teacher aspirations.
• Ultimately, I returned home today as drained as ever, but also uplifted and more confident than before that I am where I need to be, with the people I need to be around and doing something which actually makes a difference.

Invariably, tomorrow is a new day with its own challenges and rewards, but for now, I am relieved, I am happy and I am certainly "full of children".

PICTURES:

Our recess marble machine!

The Spinning Metal Deathtrap

Our Acting students practicing face exercises and body tensing

Chris nails the peach challenge! 

The pizza place had mirrors in front of the seats, and I realized it was (I think) the first time in my life that I ever just sat and watched myself eat. It was interesting to say the least. Hence, selfie.
 

Clockwise from top left: Cristi, Tyschell, Sam and I with our hard-earned birthday-won bottles of water!

Until next time,

Nate

Day 14: Fake It 'til You Make It

This is going to be another short post because I need some sleep tonight. We had a very busy first day which was, for lack of a better term, a roller coaster.

From my IC: the 6/8th writing department's first day teaching! Clockwise from top left: Matt, me, Corey and Avery

I had to get up an hour earlier than usual to be at the school by 7 AM. We had a beautiful morning faculty meeting in which we watched an inspiring clip from Spider-Man 2 (a phrase which I would previously have thought paradoxical). In the morning, I had my first lesson with each of my two classes. The first class was very well behaved, though also a little too quiet and hesitant to participate, so I need to find ways to keep them actively engaged. The second class was quite the opposite, overly engaged but also clearly trying to test my limits. One student in particular did something insubordinate which I did not address properly, and so I went into lunch feeling pretty down about myself. I spoke with Megan about it and she encouraged me to find him at recess and have a private conversation with him, coaching me through how to address it to prevent further discontent on his end. I would like to point out that my coach last summer did nothing of the sort, and I really could have used some extra disciplinary coaching along those lines last year. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for my IC this summer and all of her advice. She totally turned my day around as I was able to find the student, talk to him calmly, address the situation and clear the air.

Proctoring 5th Grade Recess; we built a giant "work of art" and then promptly destroyed it.

The best part of my day was proctoring 5/6th grade recess. We had talked about developmental differences during training, but seeing the stark juxtaposition of my "too-cool-for-school" 8th graders in class and the wildly excited, friendly and creative kids just a few years younger than them was really eye-opening for me. In just one day, I have started reconsidering what age I actually want to teach after I graduate. Don't get me wrong; I still see the positives in teaching older kids, and once we actually begin writing essays, I know I will build strong connections with my oldies, but there is a special spark in those slightly younger students which I had never experienced working with before today.

My elective class was really fun. I am in awe of my co-teacher, Lauren (the half-British young woman from North Carolina), who is easily one of the most organized, well-spoken and effective teachers with whom I have ever had the pleasure to work. I basically want to be her when I grow up, which is funny because I'm slightly older than her. In class, we worked on using our face to portray emotions, watching video clips of high-intensity emotional scenes from movies (one example, inspired by mom, was the "SANTA! I KNOW HIM!" clip from Elf, so thanks for that, Mom.) We then played emotion charades with the kids, giving them tough emotional words (ecstatic, amorous, uncomfortable, etc.) and asking them to guess each other's emotions. It was a challenging game, but Lauren and I were both blown away with how the kids rose to the occasion.

Chris and Sam in our daily ASM skit for the students; I wrote and am in tomorrow's!

Next, I had my advisory group. One of my mentees (Eddy) was absent today, so I just had Eric, Karla and Janice. They are all really sweet kids and a vastly different group than my advisees last year. While my advisees last summer were some of the strongest personalities in the program and consequently both exceptional leaders and frequent troublemakers, this summer they are particularly quiet, bashful and introverted. In some ways, this is a huge blessing because I do not have to worry as much about them, but in others it makes my life difficult because I am going to have an hour every day which I am just spending getting to know them and help them with whatever they are struggling with, but they seem pretty self-sufficient and prefer to keep to themselves. I'm not just going to let this slide all summer of course; I just need to head back to the drawing board to figure out how to warm them up to me and get us functioning well together as a group.

After school ended, we had a professional development about organization strategies. I started to ponder my future and I realized that a lot of my current organization methods are dictated by how my clubs run at Penn. I think after I graduate I am going to open a new e-mail account and start from a clean slate. When P.D. was done, I stuck around for a couple hours working on lesson plans and setting up my room for tomorrow. Overall, today had a lot of big highs and hard lows, but they averaged out to a nice neutral. As I grow with these kids, I am sure that will change: for better or worse though, who's to say?

One last anecdote from today. In my second class, the rough one, I gave a Do Now exercise in which I asked my students to write down how they were feeling about their fourth and final summer at the program. When I allowed them to share if they were interested, one of the girls said she felt "murderous". I of course got concerned and asked her to elaborate. She said that she always feels like she wants to strangle the teachers because we are always so happy and energetic that she thinks we're all fake. This was crushing to me, but also a big eye-opener. The thing to keep in mind is that, yes, we are all crazy energetic, way more than any teacher at any of our kids' schools, and we do that purposefully because we don't want our students coming to our program and thinking of it as work. It is a privilege for them; they should have as much fun as they can to inspire their learning and drive to go to college, and they should feel special, particularly since at their own schools many of them feel lost in the mix.

That said, our happiness is not unfounded. We would be INSANE to give up our summers and work 15+ hour days everyday if we did not absolutely love and believe in what we are doing. The problem is: how do we show that to our students? Is our enthusiasm actually hurting our relationships with them, particularly with the older kids? The 5/6th graders seem to thrive on it, but the 8th graders are a little more mature and a hell of a lot more cynical. They have seen things, they have been hurt and they have come to view things at more than face value, and none of these things are their fault. In this instance, I need to meet them where they are. The question becomes: how do I as their teacher make it clear how thrilled I am to be working with them without breaking their trust by being TOO positive with them? I am going to be reflecting on this for a while, and there does not seem to be a set answer for this one, but I'll let you know whatever I end up thinking. In the meantime, I'll just keep reminding myself that I am not yet a full-time professional teacher and that it's okay to make mistakes in this environment as long as I maintain a growth mindset to keep moving forward. I will stumble this summer, I will be tested (as I have been already), and at times I will fail, but as long as my motives are always driven by my students, even if only one of them comes out of my class having learned a single thing, I will have made a difference.

From our training: "When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding." -Thich Nhat Hanh

Basically, I've just got to fake it until I make it.

Until next time,
Nate

Days 12/13: Nourishing the Soul

I was too tired last night to post a blog, so I'm doing a joint post for this weekend!

My SF Family <3

Saturday was one of the most beautiful days since I have been here, literally and figuratively. The weather was great, work ended early and some really beautiful things happened. Firstly, after we finished our last-minute preparations for the first day of school on Monday, we had a little fun. We played a game of Jeopardy to review everything we had learned (and my team and I got every question right, I am proud to say!) We then took turns sharing the "Kudos" notes we had written to show appreciation for each other. I was truly humbled by the notes I received and I was even happier to be able to express my thanks to the many new friends I have made.

Which was fuller: my stomach or my heart?

Once all this was done, we had a little graduation ceremony where we got a certificate of completion of training, a staff t-shirt and the name of our "secret buddy" for our summer-long gift exchange. When all this was finished, we all walked outside and were shocked by what we found. Several students and their families had prepared a gigantic barbecue feast for us and were gathered around applauding us as we left the school. One of them, whose daughters were in the program 3 and 5 years ago, stood up and gave a speech which brought tears to all of our eyes. He expressed how, even if the students don't show it to us immediately, we are truly making a difference in their lives. He explained his frustration that there are not more programs like Breakthrough designed to help academically-average students from areas where they do not have the resources available to guide them in social mobility. He ended by saying, "You all really are those superheroes whose pictures you've put on the walls. You are nourishing our children's minds, so let us nourish you." After two weeks of self-doubt, anxiety, late nights and lots of sweat and tears, this completely shifted my headspace to one of excitement and gratitude for the experience of which I am too fortunate to be a part.

The meal was delicious. Many of the families brought traditional Latin dishes such as homemade guacamole, fresh-pressed strawberry juice, some sort of peach and garlic-bread skewers, ceviche, dumplings with pork, cabbage and corn, and a variety of fruit and desserts. Of course, there were burgers as well, but I made a concerted effort to try a little of everything. Aside from the overwhelming cilantro (of which I am not a fan), the food was all delicious. They even bought a sheet cake wishing us luck. Getting to meet these families along with a few of our students and spend some time in the sunlight just enjoying conversation was wonderful. After the families said goodbye and we cleaned everything up, we did some last minute touch-ups in the building and headed home.

Oakland!

I decided to take a power nap upon returning home, but was awakened about an hour later by a phone call from Cisco who invited me to join him and several other teachers on a trip to visit Lake Merritt

So many geese!

in Oakland, led by Tyschell who grew up in that area. Following my initial promise to myself to never say no to new experiences while I'm in CA and being always game for an adventure, I tagged along. Despite some unpleasant interactions with a swindler in the BART station and a hippie in a park, our group had a blast. The area was absolutely gorgeous, sunny without the fog that affects SF and much quieter than I expected. As Tyschell explained, while SF is known for being liberal, Oakland is particularly recognized for being a hub of social justice activism. I found the area in general to just have a calming aura about it. I had a bunch of great conversations with my fellow teachers, we watched the sunset over the lake, got chicken wings and gelato at local restaurants and then headed home after dark. I got home around midnight and passed out almost immediately (after thoroughly washing my hands, because BART was kind of grimy).

Sleepy teachers

Braden and Harry leaving Home Plate

Despite promising myself I would not sleep in, I decided I needed the rest so I did not wake up until about 10 AM today. I had made plans to hang out with some Mask and Wig peeps today, so after I got ready, I was picked up by Billy, Braden and Harrison Lieberfarb, the Sec-Treas from my freshman year. We headed toward the Marina and Harry showed us the area, taking us to his favorite little
Ethiopian coffee shop called Bereka (which I thoroughly enjoyed, now that I'm a coffee drinker myself) and brunch joint called Home Plate (which was delicious). We were joined by Noah, one of my biggest college role models who now works for Google and is doing really well for himself. After brunch, we went (/ I went BACK) to the de Young Museum to climb the tower and look over the city. This was nicer for me than last time because the weather was nicer and also I had more time to really stop and see all 360 degrees of the view. I thought about the concentric circles we as humans all travel in and how we build homes for ourselves, typical philosophical me.

See the Golden Gate in the background!

On the opposite side of the previous photo...

We then chilled in the Japanese Tea Garden and Harry and I swapped stories of our family members accidentally killing their pets (cough cough, Aunt Leah ;-P). Noah had to leave, so we drove him to his friend's house and then made an impromptu decision to go see the new Jurassic World movie. It was nothing special in my opinion, though I've never been a huge fan of big summer blockbusters like that. Still, it was fun to see with friends and a good way to de-stress before my big day tomorrow. Harry dropped me back at home, I made plans with Billy and Braden to go and see The Book of Mormon later this week (details to come!!!) and we said our adieus. I then spend the rest of the night inside the dorm, doing laundry and prepping last minute things for tomorrow.

This weekend was really wonderful and full of unexpected surprises. I did a lot of reminiscing as well as looking ahead. I feel ready and excited to finally meet my students tomorrow and to kick this adventure into high gear. I know I have this reputation of saying I am thankful so often that it sometimes seems fake, but I really mean it. I keep thinking about the song "Letter to Me" and how if I could write a letter to myself four or five years ago, I would not have believed a word of it. I find myself at a loss for words every night as I sit down to write these posts because I am experiencing and learning so much that I am on sensory overload.

Sunset over Lake Merritt

I hope my students can help me to continue to expand my mind and I will do my best to reciprocate. As I head to bed tonight, I am reflecting on my students from last summer and how unexpectedly inspired I was by each and every last one of them. To take a word from the Questbridge handbook, I want to use this momentum to carry me into tomorrow, viewing every one of my students as a miracle with their own challenges and gifts, every last one a blessing. I have had my fill; now is my time to nourish them.

Who knows what they will teach me?

Until next time,
Nate