Day 10: I'm No Superman

In fact, I'm Robin.

Today was a very humbling day. For the first time ever, I was filmed teaching a lesson. In our departments today, we each got to choose a lesson from our first week and practice teaching it to the other teachers. Our Instructional Coach filmed us and made us watch it back for homework and take notes, giving ourselves praises on things we were doing well and prompts on things on which we need to improve. I don't know that I've ever just sat down and watched a half-hour-long video of nothing but myself before, but it was an eye-opening experience to say the least.

And now, kids, let's try to ignore my weird lanky arms, crooked nose and hunchback...

First of all, I sound WAY different to other people than I sound to myself. This doesn't come as a huge surprise as we discuss this in many of my psychology classes. The reverberations of the sound waves from your vocal cords pass through the bones of your skull before they reach your ears so when we hear our voice, it sounds lower-pitched and more muffled than it does to the rest of the world. Just listening to myself speak was uncomfortable at first, but it gave me much better insight into the perspectives of my friends and students as I could clearly picture hearing myself speak through their ears for the first time.

Secondly, I realized just how horrible my posture is. To an extent, this isn't an easy fix because, just due to the nature of my height, the most comfortable way to carry my body without getting cramps or aches is a slightly-hunched slouched look. However, as a teacher, I was able to recognize for the first time the way that posture makes me appear in a professional setting. If my students misconstrue my poor frame as a symbol of relaxedness, they may forget to code-switch and enter my class expecting to have a grand ol' time without strong work ethic. I also realized just how vulnerable I am making myself by putting myself in front of a bunch of ungrateful, hormonal, judgmental teenagers, especially as someone who is already self-conscious (see: caption to the above image). It makes no sense why I should love doing it as much as I do.

The third thing I realized is how fast I really talk. I was told this last summer, but in my brain, I perceive the speed of my speech parallel to my inner thoughts, and they run at about the same pace. It was fascinating to cross-reference my memory of the experience of teaching this lesson with the video as everything felt perfectly paced as I was doing it, but in actuality was moving way too fast. This showed me two things: one, my brain seems to be sharper than I realize, hence why my natural pace is so much faster than other people's, and two, if I don't work on intentionally slowing myself down in the classroom, my students won't be able to process a single thing I teach them. My IC suggested I watch some videos of politicians and preachers to practice my speech speed. If this all works out, maybe I'll return to Philly speaking like Eeyore. (Fun fact: did you know Eeyore got his name when A.A. Milne was trying to teach Latin conjugations to his son? It comes from the suffix "-ior" [Additional fun fact: his son's name? Christopher Robin.] I read both of these in an Uncle John's Bathroom Reader many years ago, so they MUST be true.)

Anyways, as I was saying, watching this video was a very humbling experience. I realized sometimes the things I perceive as mistakes are not as overwhelming as they may seem, whereas sometimes the most obvious errors are the ones to which my eyes are mostly blind. I am led to believe this must apply outside of teaching too; sometimes I am too hard on myself for mistakes I make that really don't matter much, while other actions I commit which are wrong go right over my head. I need to be more purposeful in my life to slow down and see not only situations but myself as an individual through the eyes of those around me. Perhaps this would also help with my self-confidence issues as I could better understand how other people perceive me as a friend. All of this having been said, my IC (I can call her Megan from now on) said she was extremely impressed with my first attempt for the summer and confided that she is going to push me harder than most people because she thinks I have reached a point where I am experienced enough to really start to hammer down my areas of weakness and hone my abilities.

Quick funny anecdote: Brittany (pictured), Matt and I stayed after work for four hours working on our next set of lesson plans. We skipped dinner, but one of our coworkers brought back half a burrito she didn't want. We jumped on it like a horde of starving jungle cats. Look at the ferocious animalistic determination in Brittany's eyes as she tries to get a single bite of soggy beans and mushy guac on her fork. Shortly after this, we all gave up on utensils and just dug in with our hands. When we finished eating and we processed what we had just done, we burst into laughter and could not stop for several minutes. Teaching is officially, literally driving us insane.

On that note, I was lucky enough today to find two little Kudos messages on my teacher board, so I thought I would share them here. I love that my internship uses this system to help us share our feelings of gratitude or admiration for our peers, and to receive them in return. They can seriously turn my whole day around when I receive them.

Yes, it's true, I am not invincible. I might not be Superman. Still, as superheroes come, being a teacher is a close second in my book. And if I am to trust my IC and coworkers, I'm doing alright.

Until next time,

Nate