Day 8: I Am From... Lesson Plans. Just Lesson Plans.

With this view right outside my window, I just cannot let little things get me down.

At my internship, the administrators preach the importance of "80% preparation, 20% remediation", meaning it is more helpful for everyone if you do the vast majority of the work before the problem arises to make things easier for yourself in the future. Until today, I forgot just how stressful this is. From about 10:30 to 2:45 today (including a short lunch break) I worked on my first lesson plan for the summer, and when I presented it to my I.C. all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, she (in the nicest way possible) stomped all over it like a herd of wildebeests. I know she was just doing her job and that in the long term it is an important step for my personal growth, but nothing hurts more than being told you've wasted four hours on something that is virtually unusable. In fairness, this was not entirely my fault; I was basing my lesson plan off the previous year's curriculum, not realizing my I.C. disliked the previous year's coach's methods. Nevertheless, as a result, when I got home from work today, I spent a good six hours remediating my preparations (with some help from my wonderful teaching partner, Matt... teamwork makes the dream work!)

An additional couple of stressors: the administration accidentally gave Matt and I the wrong summer assignment so now we have to write a separate essay sometime in the middle of the chaos of tomorrow (and it's considered "late"), we found out we have to turn our slideshows in WITH our lesson plans this year (whereas last year I could make them the night before, which was much more preferable time-wise), we have to stay late tomorrow to decorate the school (which actually should be fun, but still takes time away from lesson planning), I still have a ton of work to do to prepare for my advisees and committee, and my laundry is majorly piling up.

NOW, on the plus side, here are some positive highlights from today:
-I walked to school with Cisco and had an amazing heart-to-heart in which I learned more about his family and personal struggles, the personal importance of his Dominican ethnic identity and the differences between San Francisco and Philly.
-This morning, the I.C.s led a panel on "pathways to the classroom", in which they talked about their individual journeys to the teaching profession. I got a lot of good advice on both how to become and what to do if/when I become a teacher.
-I got to bond more with Matt, even though it wasn't in the greatest of circumstances.
-I FINALLY tried the Trader Joe's non-microwaveable microwaveable fried mac n' cheese balls. First off, the non-microwaveable thing is a blatant lie. I put them in for ~3-4 minutes and they were perfectly cooked. Secondly, they were unfortunately not all I hoped they would be, but I was also frazzled when I ate them, so I was not really focusing on the flavor. I still have half a package which I will try at another time when I am feeling more optimistic.
-I heard from Nina, who is enjoying the beginning of her time at the same internship in Philly! It's nice to know I have someone going through a similar journey right now if I need to talk to her.

Fried Mac 'N Cheese, in all its greasy, allegedly un-microwaveable glory...

Lastly, a major highlight from today was an exercise we completed last year as well. We did an identity reflection called "Windows and Mirrors" in which we wrote down on post-it notes how we self-identified in eight categories (race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, class, ability and other) and anonymous put them on designated walls around the faculty room so we could get a snapshot in each category of the diversity among our staff. We then did some prompting and discussion activities about how each of our identities affects us as a whole. This was another incredibly valuable and enlightening look into the amazing peers I get to work with this summer. As part of the mirrors exercise, we were given twenty minutes to write "I Am From" poems, in which we discussed experiences or things in our lives that have shaped us using the phrase "I Am From". I have posted mine below if you would like to read it. It is very personal, so I did not share it with my staff, but I might later on in the summer. I have to mull it over.

I am from a broken home and long years of piecing it back together.

I am from long nights spying on my mom's phone conversations, hearing her tears sing me to sleep like a lullaby.

I am from my bike rusting away in the garage because its owner had no one to teach him how to use it.

I am from family game nights and New Years' Talent Shows, dampening the shrill cries like soft, sturdy earplugs.

I am from frigid bathroom tile supporting my weight as my body collapsed like a dying star.

I am from the numbness in my limbs as I lay on a gurney thinking I had nothing left to give.

I am from giving anyway.

I am from a graded curriculum that sentenced me to eternal damnation if I dared to love another person.

I am from coming out unscathed.

I am from undeserved blessings, unbelievable opportunities and a crippling sense of self-doubt.

I am from a position of power and a community intentionally ignoring the reality of its privilege.

I am from days at a school full of rich kids and nights where my mom could barely afford for me to eat, let alone herself.

I am from failed exams, painful relationships and long hours plugged into a generator of self-loathing.

I am from people telling me I am good enough and fear that my life is a lie.

I am from sporadic calls from my father, and the ability to hide facial expressions over the phone.

I am from comebacks and karma, momentum and mercy, forgiveness and faith in mankind.

I am from an inextinguishable belief in the inherent goodness of our fatally-flawed species.

I am from stargazing and allowing myself to feel meaningless in the scheme of our universe.

I am from making my own meaning.

I am from consistent success against all odds. I am from breaking even.

I am from blood, sweat, spit, tears and an unending sense of wonder.

I am from my perpetual search for where I will be from.

In conclusion, even though lesson planning was a tad overwhelming and the stress-level is high at the moment, looking at the possibilities for my future and seeing the types of people I may be privileged enough to work with for the rest of my life is more than enough to drive me forward with a smile on my face, a stiff upper lip and a willingness to learn and grow. I don't know where I will be from, but I have faith that it is somewhere amazing.

Until next time,

Nate